SEC Football vs. the North

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PensacolaKid
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Wed Sep 10, 2008 3:29 pm

Kind of just speaks for itself. I scanned this and did not see anything offensive but can not guarantee it! May be be offensive to damn Yankee's!



SEC Football



Planning for the fall football season in the South is radically
different than up North. For those who are planning a football trip South,
here
are some helpful hints.

Women's Accessories:
NORTH: Chap Stick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a
fifth of bourbon. Money not neces sary - that's what dates are for.

Stadium Size:
NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

Fathers:
NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.


& amp; lt; /DIV>


SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.

Campus Decor:
NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.

Homecoming Queen:
NORTH: Also a physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss America.

Heroes:
NORTH: Rudy Giuliani.


SOUTH: Herschel Walker & Peyton Manning.

Getting Tickets:
NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus.
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus,
make a large financial contribution, and put name on a waiting list for
tickets.

Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:
NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because
they have classes on Friday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the
few hung over students that m ight actually make it to class.

Parking:
NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for
game parking.
SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for
the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.

Game Day:
NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over
to where ESPN is broadcasting 'Game Day Live' to get on camera and wave to

the idiots up north who wonder why 'Game Day Live' is never broadcast from

their campus.

Tailgating:
NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local
radio station with truck tailgate down.
SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shape d smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking
accompanied by live performance from the Dave Matthews Ban d, who come
over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.

Getting to the Stadium:
NORTH: You ask 'Where's the stadium?' When you find it, you walk right in.

SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it is the state's
third largest city.

Concessions:
NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team's mascot on
it, fil led less than half way with soda, to ensure enough room for
bourbon.

When National Anthem is Play e d:
NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand
up.
SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part
harmony.

The Smell in the Air After the First Score:
NORTH: Nothing changes.
SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.

Commentary (Male):
NORTH: 'Nice play.'
SOUTH: 'Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs.'

Commentary (Female):
NORTH: 'My, this certainly is a violent sport.'
S OU TH: 'Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs.'

Announcers:
NORTH: Neutral and paid.
SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a
tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.

After the Game:
NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker, while somebody goes to
the nearest package store for more bourbon, and planning begins for next
week's game.



HOW MANY SEC STUDENTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?

At VANDERBILT: It takes two, one to change the bulb and one more to
explain how they did it every bit as good as the bulbs changed at
Harvard.

At GEORGIA: It takes two, one to change the bulb and one to stabilize
the rolling beer cooler the bulb changer is using for a ladder.

At FLORIDA: It takes four, one to screw in the bulb and three to figure
out how to get stoned off the old one.

At ALABAMA: It takes five, one to change it, three to reminisce about
how The Bear would have done it, and one to throw the old bulb at an NCAA
investigator.
<BR>At OLE MISS: It takes six, one to change it, two to mix the drinks
and
three to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.

At LSU: It takes seven, and each one gets credit for five Semester
hours.

At KENTUCKY : It takes eight, one to screw it in and seven to discuss
how much brighter it seems to shine during basketball season.

At TENNESSEE: It takes ten, two to figure out how to screw it in, two to
buy an orange lamp shade, and six to phone a radio call-in show and talk
about how much they hate Alabama.

At MISSISSIPPI STATE: It takes fifteen, one to screw in the bulb, two to
buy the Skoal, and twelve to yell, 'GO TO HELL, OLE MISS'.

At AUBURN: It takes one hundred, one to change it, forty-nine to talk
about how they did it better than at Bama and Georgia, and fifty to get
drunk and roll Toomer's Corner when finished.

At SOUTH CAROLINA: It takes 80,000, one to screw it in and 79,999 to
discuss how this finally will be the year that they have a decent
football team.

At ARKANSAS: None. There is no electricity in Arkansas
ToesInTheSand
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Wed Sep 10, 2008 5:22 pm

Not at all offensive, just the "Damn Yankees" comment is a bit old and tiresome......You sure dislike a lot of people, I hope you like YOURSELF, it can be lonely at the top. :D :D :D
In summation, I can only say
Obviously you have never been to a football game up north.
GO BADGERS! :P :P :P

It's a funny one......yes........As you say "It DOES speak for itself!"
I have one too from the reverse angle, but I dare not post, I have lived in the South now almost 25 years.......do not want to offend. (mine is funnier tho) :shock: :D

I repeat....GO BADGERS!
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PensacolaKid
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Thu Sep 11, 2008 1:42 pm

Toes,

Lighten up! It is an old Southern saying. You said it was old as well! I don't dislike Yankee's!
gailjean
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Thu Sep 11, 2008 2:02 pm

toes, you can pm me - i'm a yankee, too, and damn proud of it! :D i've lived in the south for 18 years now - north and south have different cultures, is what i've come up with.

pkid - yup, it was funny! :lol: i have never lived in a college town in the north, so i really can't comment on what they do there. i live in a college town here in louisiana, and it is everything you say it is, and more! :lol:
ToesInTheSand
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Thu Sep 11, 2008 2:04 pm

pensacolakid wrote:Toes,

Lighten up! It is an old Southern saying. You said it was old as well! I don't dislike Yankee's!
Duh, that's why there are smiley faces........ :roll:
Fallsacoming
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Location: Wisconsin

Fri Sep 19, 2008 7:30 am

GO BADGERS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Kenny Wilder
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Fri Sep 19, 2008 8:09 am

YEA ALABAMA
GO BAMA
ROLL TIDE


Saturday's Big Game Prediction:

Alabama 28
Arkansas 10


http://www.rolltide.com
Kenny Wilder
NavarreBeachLife.com ~ Owner/Administrator
Constitutional Conservative
Florida Master Naturalist ~ Coastal Systems and Wetlands
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PensacolaKid
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Fri Sep 19, 2008 2:43 pm

Auburn vs. LSU

Tomorrow night @ Auburn...ESPN.....be there! Auburn by 7!
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Kenny Wilder
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Fri Sep 19, 2008 5:29 pm

Wow! The Aburn vs. LSU might be the best game played in college football during the month of September. Here's my prediction:

Auburn 17
LSU 14
Kenny Wilder
NavarreBeachLife.com ~ Owner/Administrator
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Florida Master Naturalist ~ Coastal Systems and Wetlands
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ToesInTheSand
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Location: United States

Fri Sep 19, 2008 7:53 pm

Fallsacoming wrote:GO BADGERS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YEA!!! DITTO!!!!!!!!!
We ARE #8 overall ya know......... :lol:
Badgers on Saturday.....Pack on Sunday night...... :lol: Life is good!
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Kenny Wilder
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Sat Sep 20, 2008 6:09 pm

Alabama beat Arkansas today 45 to 14.
Kenny Wilder
NavarreBeachLife.com ~ Owner/Administrator
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Florida Master Naturalist ~ Coastal Systems and Wetlands
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