ON THE LIGHTER SIDE -- "Hurricane Preparations"

Discussion, updates and tracking about Hurricanes, Tropical Storms and Depressions that may be related to Florida.
Post Reply
User avatar
AngelGirl
Power User
Power User
Posts: 7722
Joined: Sun Aug 27, 2006 6:12 pm
Location: The Rose Capital of the USA

Wed Sep 19, 2012 8:43 pm

Whoever wrote this has undoubtedly been in a hurricane zone and experienced the "preparations"!

Some of this sounds painfully true.

HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE:
If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance. Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home meets two basic requirements:
(1) It is reasonably well-built, and
(2) It is located in Nebraska.

Unfortunately, if your home is located in Florida or Louisiana, most insurance companies would prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required to pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance business in the first place. So you'll have to scrounge around for an insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly equal to the replacement value of your house. At any moment, this company can drop you like a bad talk show host.

EVACUATION ROUTE:
If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route planned … (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look at your driver's license; if it says Florida or Louisiana - you live in a low-lying area.) The purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped in your home when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a gigantic traffic jam several miles from your home, along with two hundred thousand other evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely.

HURRICANE SUPPLIES:
If you don't evacuate, you will need a lot of supplies. Tradition requires that you wait until the last possible minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights with strangers over who gets the last can of SPAM. In addition to food and water, you will need the following supplies:

a) 23 Flashlights.

b) At least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when the power goes off, to be the wrong size for the flashlights.

c) Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the bleach is for, but it's traditional, so GET some!)

d) A 55-gallon drum of underarm deodorant.

e) A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a hurricane, but it looks cool.)

f) And $35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can buy a generator from a man with no visible teeth.

Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near, it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers stand right next to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally important it is for everybody to stay inside.

Good Luck !
AngelGirl
Navarre Beach Life Moderator
Image

Once again, Jesus spoke to the people and said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows Me will never walk in the darkness, but will have the light of life." John 8:12 BSB
User avatar
bjrichus
Power User
Power User
Posts: 2459
Joined: Thu Jun 14, 2012 1:28 pm
Location: Looking forward to the next trip to Navarre Beach! WOO HOO!

Wed Sep 19, 2012 8:50 pm

Where is the "like" button?

It sounds pretty much how it really is to me.....
bjrichus (also known as Brian)
NavarreBeachLife.com Moderator
User avatar
jennjeff1
Power User
Power User
Posts: 894
Joined: Sun Jan 29, 2012 1:09 am
Location: Washington, DC
Contact:

Thu Sep 20, 2012 11:50 pm

Thanks A.G.!!! That is GREAT!!!! :lol:

~Jeff
User avatar
AngelGirl
Power User
Power User
Posts: 7722
Joined: Sun Aug 27, 2006 6:12 pm
Location: The Rose Capital of the USA

Fri Sep 21, 2012 11:50 am

bjrichus wrote:Where is the "like" button?

It sounds pretty much how it really is to me.....
Oh, yeah, absolutely ... I remember my first trip to Home Depot during a our first hurricane warning as residents on the east side of FL. I went early and expressed surprise that I was almost alone in the place and the checker said "just wait until tomorrow ... all "heck" will break loose in here!"

A.G.
AngelGirl
Navarre Beach Life Moderator
Image

Once again, Jesus spoke to the people and said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows Me will never walk in the darkness, but will have the light of life." John 8:12 BSB
Post Reply

Return to “Hurricanes, Tropical Storms and Depressions”